Not The Team Seven You're Looking For
by Limited Edge
Summary: AU The bell test; a time honoured tradition for Team Seven's legacy, the greatest paragon of the virtues of teamwork… And Kakashi's not-so subtle middle finger to the bureaucrats that tried to pawn a genin team on him before he could teach his sensei's son. It was working, too- at least until the no-name brats actually passed his impossible test... Team Seven will never be the same
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Little bit of pre-info: this story takes place around two years before Naruto would have graduated, so Kakashi would be around 24, based on my shoddy timeline. Hope you enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto**

 **.**

Kakashi's late arrival was what really screwed him over, in the end.

In another world, Kakashi arrived only an hour late to pick up his latest cannon fodder- sorry, genin- after his obligatory rest by the memorial stone. The three tykes were upset, but not overly so, and that resulted in them still abiding the rules he laid out upon arrival. Though they each showed potential, they did not overcome Kakashi's enormous standards, and Kakashi went on his way, porn in hand as he walked majestically into the sunset sans annoying genin.

This was not that world.

In _this_ world, Kakashi decided to lurk around the memorial stone for an extra fifteen minutes, just enough time for Gai to catch him as he left. The impromptu game of ultimate Frisbee arranged knocked him back another three hours, and then the _highly_ necessary after game drinks to celebrate his victory knocked him back another two.

By the time Kakashi bothered to arrive at the academy after scrubbing most of the egg yolks from his hair (the after party had gotten _really_ intense), he was nearly seven hours late.

The normally rule abiding genin he had been dealt had snapped three hours ago. What Kakashi received instead were three genin who had had surplus time to get to know and like each other, but most importantly, learn to hate their new sensei.

The introductions were a complete joke, what with the genin's refusal to respond, and confronted by the three's hostility (and was that _killing intent?!_ ) Kakashi forwent his usual plans to wait till the next day to carry out the bell test. After all, what was the point of prolonging their inevitable failure when this bunch seemed especially homicidal? They probably weren't that skilled, anyways… Kakashi had stopped receiving the cream of the crop four genin teams ago, after all, when he made it clear he would fail any team that fell even slightly short of his unrealistic goals; his not-so-subtle finger to the bureaucrats that wished Kakashi would pass on his techniques...

If his hidden goals set the bar at containing a rather rambunctious, orange wearing jinchuriki, well… That was his own business. It wasn't his fault if none of the teams he had received so far could pass the dreaded bell test!

Kakashi was _sure_ that this team would fail as well.

However, Kakashi was missing key facts- he hadn't bothered to even glance at their academy profiles, after all. The three civilian born students had been shunted to Kakashi's guaranteed failure of a team for various reasons, but lack of skill had, for once, _not_ been one of them.

Which resulted in Kakashi staring in horror at the genin wearing sun glasses that held his most sacred possession in his disgusting little hands. The other two demons, who had helped to capture the perfect hostage and also were wearing the shaded glasses, were flanking their companion. Their postures were rather intimidating considering they should have been about as frightening as new born lambs to Kakashi.

The ingenuity in their assault as Kakashi commenced the bell test… Was honestly terrifying. They had immediately ignored the implication to divide themselves. The girl had used some variation of a mist jutsu (where had she learned that?!) to hide the three of them, while the shorter boy had used a metal pole to start inscribing strange seals into the ground as his buzz-cut brown hair faded into the mist.

The final boy had leapt from the mist's cloak to engage Kakashi. Initially, Kakashi had considered taking him easy, but that notion soon flew out the window. The boy was absolutely vicious, and each of his punches was packed with incredible force despite the unnatural lankiness of his limbs. Most surprising of all was the killing intent- Kakashi had faced worse before, but never from a young, just out of the academy genin. The distinct, red tinge of it was also very off putting, and actually unsettled Kakashi.

Kakashi had attempted to send the male genin into a violent genjutsu (the hell-viewing technique, actually) once he realized that taijutsu was the boy's strongest field, but the illusion seemed ineffective. It was almost like the boy was _immune_ to genjutsu…

It didn't help that the girl was always flittering along the peripherals, hidden within the mist easily due to the dark green of her long sleeved top. (Weren't kunoichi supposed to dress impractically? He thought Kurenai's get up had set a precedent, but apparently not!)

Periodically, the female genin emerged from the mist, sometimes just throwing long range weapons like kunai and senbon, but also at times using a clever application of an E-rank earth jutsu to soften the ground to form potholes that nearly sent Kakashi tripping numerous times.

Kakashi didn't fail to note that the girl's emergences were always timed to aid her companion, her interferences ensuring that Kakashi was unable to get the drop on the boy's minor mistakes as they fought.

Individually, they weren't weak, but they clearly lacked in certain areas. The boy hadn't used a single jutsu or weapon, relying solely on his fists to fight. The girl, on the other hand, was the exact opposite, and seemed incapable of engaging in taijutsu. But together... They covered each other's' weaknesses, and despite only being thrown together mere hours before, made an exceptional team.

Kakashi had discarded their teamwork as truly acceptable of a pass, however. After all, the third genin with the metal pole was not involved!

In a real battle, Kakashi would have beaten them- not necessarily easily, but certainly without breaking a sweat. However, held back by his inability to harm them severely, Kakashi was limited in how he could respond to their attacks.

Regardless, he still comfortably held his own, and though the girl and boy were performing admirably, they still had no hope of getting the bells tied at Kakashi's waist. They were getting tired, and Kakashi knew it was only a matter of time until they succumbed.

Kakashi had absentmindedly noted that they had looped back into the clearing they had started at when the unthinkable happened- the forest _exploded._

Among the confusion as the entire training ground shook and erupted with disorientating bright lights, the two genin managed to close in for the kill. Kakashi was able to easily defend against the girl's pursuit for the bell, and he put space between them, cursing their lucky break. Luckily- or to be honest, thanks to Kakashi's skill- they hadn't acquired the bells, which Kakashi had turned his attention to upon their assault.

It was as the lights faded that Kakashi realized that the bells had never been their true target.

Which brought him back to the present. Kakashi stared in horror at the smirking, tall boy that held his precious Icha Icha Paradise in his filthy hands.

"M-mah, mah, little genin are scary! But you got me- I'll give you the bells in exchange for the book. How does that sound?"

The boy holding his book actually _growled_ in response. The girl gave a dismissive flip of her long black hair, while the smaller boy that still held the odd, metal pole in the beginning gave what must have been an eyeroll (it was somewhat hard to tell because he was still wearing those shaded glasses).

Those glasses… The little bastards had planned that lightshow! The eyewear was probably tinted so they wouldn't be disorientated by the sudden explosion. The tall boy and the girl had led Kakashi away from the area so that the kid with the buzz cut could lay the trap, which constituted the clever placement of several explosive tags and some light generating seals. And what a trap it was. The seals the boy had created and used were at least fourth class material- the equivalent of a low-chuunin skill…

Kakashi's musings on their trap were interrupted as the female demon began to speak.

"Yeah, that's _sooo_ not going to happen," she drawled. "We decided we don't really want the bells- after all, there's only two of them. One of us wouldn't pass. So yeah- you can keep those scraps of metal."

"What we want is a promise," the smaller boy continued. "You pass us, _all of us_ , or we set your porn on _fire_."

Kakashi internally blanched, but maintained a façade of calm. "Mah, go ahead- see if I care. A single book isn't worth the hassle of taking on an annoying genin team."

Contrary to what Kakashi expected, the three genin didn't panic- instead, three identical, manic smiles emerged on their faces.

"We thought you'd say that." The girl said with a smirk. "Kensuke and I were just the distraction- while we were leading you on a merry chase, Ryuu wasn't just laying out our trap- he was also setting up a very _special_ seal…"

Without further ado, the short boy reached across his companion to slap a piece of paper onto the cover of Icha Icha Paradise. A glowing blue seal emerged… That was matched by the seal that came into existence on the ground that Kakashi was standing on.

 _Ingenius,_ Kakashi mused with dawning horror, _drawing the seals directly on the ground… The boy found a way with that pole to surmount one of the biggest problems of being a seal master- the need for paper, and the paper's fragility. But… What does this seal do?!_

Damn you, shinobi curiosity! Despite the seal's activation, Kakashi couldn't force himself to flee. He probably would have been able to escape its effects before it could do whatever it had been programmed to do, but Kakashi was unable to resist finding out what it did…

In Kakashi's defence, he didn't expect the three genin to have come up with anything truly noteworthy or dangerous. In fact, just as Kakashi was admiring the pretty glowing blueness of the seal, it faded back into nonexistence, once more nothing but lines in the dirt.

The boy smiled and casually leaned against his pole, which he had impaled in the ground. "Did you know people who handle the same objects, again and again, can leave chakra imprints on them? A print specific to the user, in fact. By momentarily harmonising this chakra imprint with that of the user at a very particular frequency, a minor surge in the imprint can be created, even from rather large distances away… It's the principle that distance-activated exploding tags work on, actually. Normally, this surge is too small to be of any use without a spark matrix, but when it involves _highly flammable literature…_ "

The boy smirked, the expression pulling at the light burn scars that criss-crossed his face. "Well. It's a good thing we were able to get the chakra print off this book to get the extremely specific frequency, while also siphoning off a small portion of your chakra to fuel the next seal. By keying in your chakra to specifically find, and target, anything with this type of chakra print…"

The girl smirked, and pulled off her tinted glasses with a flourish. "A single book isn't worth the hassle of making us genin… But is it worth your entire Icha Icha collection?"

And that's when Kakashi realized the children in front of him were really soul crushing demons sent to draw him into eternal torment, and probably the most evil beings he had ever encountered in all his nearly twenty-four years of existence.

"H-how, what, you-"

"It's thanks to Kensuke, here, that we were able to identify your greatest weakness, actually," the short boy continued with a sadistic grin. "His mom apparently owns the store you buy all your trashy literature from."

The girl's brown eyes lit up with unholy glee. "Seven _Hours,_ Hatake- but our revenge has finally come. And if you don't do as we say…"

" **Boom,"** The last genin, Kensuke, rumbled. It was the only word Kakashi had ever heard him say, and in accordance with the doom and gloom of Kakashi's current predicament, his voice was terrifying and chilling enough to be the stuff of nightmares. His eyes were still hidden behind those ominous, tinted glasses as well, which only added to the mad rebel-vibe he had going on, what with the lopsided spikiness of his hair, his strangely stretched looking limbs, and the thick- was that _leather?!-_ jacket he wore.

Kakashi's thoughts raced a mile a minute. The trigger was clearly the seal on the book, which had already been infused with his chakra. He could try and steal it back- but no, the demon child wasn't moving more than he had to; the seal must be temperamental. Moving it would probably cause an automatic activation.

He could take a hostage, blackmail them back- but they were still technically academy students, and he could be court marshalled for overt threatening.

Even though they weren't genin, they were technically his responsibility to keep safe until he officially failed them. And once failed, they would be civilians, which he wasn't allowed to harm. If Kakashi did try and take one of them hostage… Well, Kakashi knew from experience that hostage situations could turn messy; one hair out of place on their terrible little heads and Hiruzen would finally have an excuse to make him do another psych eval, _oh Kami-_

For a single deluded instant, Kakashi wondered- okay, wished- that it was all a bluff; maybe the seal didn't actually work. Or maybe, even if the seal did work, they weren't actually psychotic enough to piss off a high class jounin just to pass a test they could take another shot at in six months…

But in the three gazes he saw staring back, Kakashi did not see academy students. He saw three determined shinobi, each with a fire burning in their eyes, linked together with a common goal that they had used the powers of teamwork to overcome. They refused to give up, or abandon one another in the face of an impossible task.

…Well, shit.

"So, _sensei,_ what's it going to be?" the girl asked as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. The boys next to her echoed her smirk in an oddly synchronised manner. Together, despite the odds stacked against them, from both Kakashi and the outside forces that had schemed to place them on his team, they presented a unified front.

Together- they were the new Team Seven.

.

Xxx

.

The Sandaime stared back at Kakashi with grim eyes, and the one-eyed jounin found himself awkwardly shifting under the attention.

"Let me get this straight," Hiruzen asked, voice devoid of any and all emotion. "After failing seven other teams, and assuring me you would take no team but the one that held Naruto… You changed your mind? And decided that three no-name civilian born students, who you have no connection to, were worthy of passing your test?"

"…To be fair, they played dirtier than Anko, and put me into a tight spot- I _had_ to pass them. However, due to the fact that Naruto isn't a member, and due to this team hating me just as much as I hate them, I recommend putting them with another jounin-sensei, one able to fully commit-"

"You're not weaselling your way out of this one, Kakashi!" Hiruzen interrupted. "For better or worse, you need to take responsibility for the genin that finally outwitted you, and actually _used teamwork_. So Naruto's not on your team- big whoop! The paperwork was filed the moment you passed them, and it takes nearly _eighty forms_ to revoke a genin team. Do I look like I have the time?!"

Kakashi side eyed the enormous stacks of teetering paperwork on the Hokage's desk. "Mah, Hokage-sama, I'm sure you could make an exception-"

"Suck it up, Kakashi! Do you see me complaining about the tax returns I have to file because three of my four secretaries went home sick? Or about having to deal with a suddenly enraged merchant counselor, who seems to be staging a freaking revolution?! Don't even get me started on how Danzo's lurking around the edges of the tower like some wronged mistress, and how I have the Hyuuga trying to pull some petty revenge on one of my office workers that played a prank on their bleach supplies _four years ago._ I don't have time to deal with your bullshit, Kakashi!"

The Sandaime's rant was broken as a frazzled looking women opened the door to the Hokage's office and peeked her head through the door.

"S-sir, Shimura-sama demands an audience, he's in the lobby right now, and, and- I can't get anything done with him breathing down my neck! He keeps ranting about trees needing to be watered with righteous blood, he started interrogating me on whether I was trying to get my fellow secretaries out of the way in a bid for power, and I think he tried to induct me into a cult! Oh _Kami ,_ Ren was right, I _never should have gotten into bureaucracy_ -" The young woman, without further ado, began to hyperventilate, and fell against the door with a moan of abject despair.

Kakashi stared with wide eyes at her fallen form. He may have demon genin, but at least he didn't have to be a paper pusher…

Hiruzen sighed, and motioned towards Kakashi. "Please get Kyoko back to her desk before she tries to quit again, and tell Danzo to come in- he'll only get antsier the longer he's kept waiting… And Kakashi? Those three are _your_ genin now _._ You _will_ train them to the best of your ability, and get them to at least chuunin level, or so help me, I will put you on permanent mission desk duty with _Umino Iruka."_

Kakashi froze in abject horror before vigorously nodding his head. With a deadened look in his eye, he dragged the twitching and frothing woman from the Hokage's office, out into the terrible world where ex-academy students blackmailed their teachers so that they could become genin.

He'd take the psycho genin over Umino Iruka any day, though.

.

Xxx

.

And so Kakashi's ultimate failsafe fell apart into a million little pieces, for better or for worse…

Team Seven- along with the rest of the world- would never be the same again.

.

 **A/N: This is a bit of a tester chapter- I'm not sure whether I'll continue it, but feedback would definately be great encouragement. Even if I decide not to though, I will post the remainder of what I have written and put this story up for adoption. I can already promise that if this story is continued, it'll be a fairly long ride- some time will be taken to flesh out the characters, the new relationships- but then it'll be a rollercoaster as I completely demolish canon. So... If you're into that kind of story, let me know what you think : )**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Yeah, so this took forever... I'm finally done school for the year though. Can't promise whether this will be really continued, but I actually had a chapter done, so here it goes. Once again, if I really do plan on completely leaving this story, I will put up a summary of where it would have gone, and leave it up for adoption. I'm sorry for the wait, and hopefully this is enjoyable :)**

 **Disclaimer: Yeaahhhh-no. Not mine.**

"…ame Mitsuki, and Hyuuga Junko. Team Seven, under Hatake Kakashi, will be Amadai Kensuke, Sato Ryuunosuke, and Nato Nadeshiko. Team Eight, under…"

At the sound of her name, Nade's back straightened, her gaze turning resolute. On her desk, her hands clenched into white knuckled fists, and against her wishes her heart beat out a quickened tempo.

 _Team Seven,_ she thought to herself. Gently, she reached up to finger the Hiate-ate around her neck as a frown pulled at her mouth. She didn't recognize her sensei's name, or the Sato kid. Kensuke, on the other hand… They had only just merged into the same class this year, but Nade remembered hearing about him sending two kids to the hospital at the end of last year.

Nade lifted and turned her head, seeking out Kensuke's spiky mop of brown hair… And flinched when she found his unblinking purple eyes staring right back at her. Nade instantly dropped her gaze, internally criticizing herself for being a chicken-shit.

Hopefully Kensuke wasn't still anger prone, like she had heard he used to be. Although he did seem kind of creepy…

As the remaining genin around them departed, and the academy sensei left the classroom, Nade finally found her remaining genin teammate by process of elimination- there was literally no one else in the room besides her, Kensuke and him.

Nade wasn't impressed. Sato was a short, scrawny kid with pale skin, buzz cut brown hair, numerous burn marks dotting his face, and an overly large nose that he had crammed into a book.

A nerd, huh? Just her luck… He seemed like the type that would make fun of her for not being much of a reader- or really being good at reading, for that matter.

Nade lifted her head once again to the clock. Should she introduce herself anyways? No, surely her sensei would be here soon…

Xxx

Ryuu absentmindedly noted his name being called- Team Seven, under Hake Bakashi, or some-such- and went back to his reading.

… _barrier seals, while locking seals are used primarily for the purpose of sealing transportation scrolls. Both are similar in that they use, in general, a_ Zen _configuration…_

As Ryuu continued to read, the class continued to shrink as jounin sensei arrived to pick up their genin. He was heedless of the gazes of his new teammates and the passage of time, too caught up in his book to notice.

But after nearly an hour had passed, even Ryuu found himself becoming antsy- he had accidently read the same paragraph three times, now. He covertly lifted his eyes to check out his teammates, who were the only other people in the room. Both looked kind of intimidating- Nadeshiko, because she was actually rather pretty, and Kensuke because of his resting axe-murderer expression. Regardless, he wondered if they would be nice, once they were introduced. Maybe, one of his teammates would break the awkward silence…

Xxx

Kensuke, upon hearing his name and those of his teammates, had directed his gaze to find Nato Nadeshiko. She was sitting a small ways in front of him- he instantly knew it was her because of her long, black hair, which had started to frizz at the ends. She hadn't been in any of his classes before this year- maybe, that meant that she would-

Nade turned her head, meeting his eyes. She almost immediately flinched away, pinning her brown-eyed gaze to her hands that were clenched on her desk.

...Clearly, she had heard about him. Kensuke shut his eyes momentarily, the heat in his chest threatening to burst. Two deep breaths corrected that, and with a forced lightness, he turned to the left to track down his second teammate.

Ryuu's nose was practically touching the pages of his book, he was so entranced in it. Despite Kensuke's steady stare, Ryuu didn't lift his head an inch, the only motion he made the occasional shift of his fingers to turn the page.

Kensuke settled back into his desk with an anxious shift. Neither of his teammates was keen on getting to know him…

As the other genin departed the room with their sensei, Kensuke recalled what he knew of Hatake Kakashi. He was a porn addict- he was always visiting his mom's shop to buy the latest Icha Icha. And… Oh! His dad had mentioned him once, when his company had to do some re-construction for the Hatake compound. Kakashi was _always_ late.

Kensuke lifted his head to the clock at the front of the classroom. An hour had passed since the teams were announced. Kensuke nervously looked between his two teammates, neither of which had moved an inch. Maybe, if Kakashi didn't show up right away, he would introduce himself.

Xxx

Nade's eyes twitched as she stared up at the clock. It had been an _hour and a half_ since the genin teams were announced. The last team had left about forty-five minutes ago, and the academy sensei had left fifteen minutes after that. He had snickered a bit as he left the class, and Nade had wondered why…

She had her answer now. Their sensei was either a stupid, late moron, or a complete no show.

In the back of her head, Nade heard her mother's voice harping about timely arrivals, and found herself agreeing for once. This was ridiculous! For another moment, indecision gripped Nade, and she remained seated… But in an impulsive movement, Nade suddenly stood, ignoring the twinge in her legs which were stiff from sitting for so long.

So what if one of her teammates was probably a psychopath, and the other a nerd? She'd rather get to know them than do nothing while she waited for her new sensei!

Nade spun around and strolled the short distance to Kensuke's desk, buoyed by her anger. When the purple-eyed boy lifted his eyes to meet her gaze, Nade was satisfied to see his surprise- and was slightly heartened. A boy that was gaping at her like _that_ probably wasn't a rage prone nutjob.

"So!" Nade exclaimed as she slammed her hands on Kensuke's desk. "The name's Nato Nadeshiko, but if you call me Nadeshiko I'll stab you in the eye. It's Nade, or nothing at all!"

Kensuke didn't respond, but he did quirk his lips into a surprisingly nice smile. Nade smiled back. From the left, her third teammate finally lifted his head from his book, his eyes trained on them.

"Are we going to do introductions without waiting for that Bakashi guy, then?" Ryuu asked. Nade hummed for a moment, before giving an exuberant nod.

"Yeah! I don't know about you guys, but I don't feel like sitting around doing nothing while we wait for our sensei to show up. We might as well get to know one another- we are teammates, after all!"

In quick accord, the three genin pushed together three tables in a circle. With slight grins, they all sat on the desks, facing each other. The academy sensei were sticklers for making academy students sit in their chairs, after all. A little bit of low key rebellion made them all slightly more confident.

"Okay, who's first?" Nade asked. The boys stared nervously back. Nade huffed, but rolled her eyes with a smile. "Alright, alright, I'll show you ladies how it's done. Like I said, I'm Nato Nade! I live in the Flower District on Seventh, with my mother and father, my older brother Ebisu… and my little shithead of a brother, Hiro!"

"Anyways," she continued, "I like green tea, steak, my little brother, and learning new jutsu. I… don't like fangirls, snobby clan kids, formal parties, reading, and creepy old guys. I became a shinobi to prove myself- my goal is to become a jounin, invent new jutsu, and be free!" Nade finished her speech with a slight bow, and the two boys in front of her gave exaggerated claps.

An awkward pause descended as Ryuu and Kensuke's eyes met, but after a moment Ryuu heaved a sigh. "Fine, fine, I'll go next. The name's Sato Ryuunosuke, just Ryuu's fine. I… live in the academy housing in central, with some of the other academy students, but I guess I'll be moving out into genin housing, soon. I like reading books on sealing, green tea- I swear I'm not copying you, it's true!- and, uh…" A furious blush coloured Ryuu's cheeks. He gave a light shake of his head, pursing his lips as he stared down at his dangling feet.

"I don't like physical tests, snobby clan kids, hospitals, and societal injustices that are ignored for the sake of snot-faced old peoples' stupid sensibilities, along with dumbass traditions that cripple generational progress, which in the process inhibit beautiful, kind people, who had an amazing future that got fucked over because of self-centered assholes-!"

Ryuu awkwardly coughed, cutting off his tyrade with a nervous shift of his shoulders, and awkwardly looked away from Nade and Kensuke's wide eyes. "…Sorry 'bout that. Anyways… I guess I became a shinobi because I had to, but my goal…" Ryuu lifted his eyes, a fire burning within their depths. "My goal is to change the world."

Silence descended between the three genin. After a long, lingering moment, Nade gave a low whistle. "Damn, Ryuu, that was _intense_. You're a badass, did you know that?"

Ryuu nervously laughed, the burn marks on his face pulling with his smile as he rubbed a hand through the prickle of his buzz-cut hair. "Thanks, Nade. Uh, now that I'm done… Kensuke?"

Kensuke hunched his shoulders under Ryuu and Nade's sudden attention. After a pause, he took a deep breath, and began. **"My name is Amadai Kensuke, I live…"** Kensuke abruptly broke off his dark, ominous, and rumbling words at Nade and Ryuu's stunned expressions. He immediately pursed his lips and pinned his gaze to the ground, hunching his shoulders even more into the jacket he wore. Despite his large, lanky size, he did a surprisingly good job of making himself seem smaller than he really was.

Nade shifted, and met Ryuu's eyes. Unspoken, they came to a decision. Nade turned back to Kensuke, her cocky smile once more in place. "Jeeze, Kensuke, were not psycho-maniacs- you can tell us where you live."

Ryuu crossed his arms as he narrowed his eyes at Nade with mock-suspicion. "I don't know, Nade… You seem pretty sketchy to me. The Flower District sounds like a pretty dangerous place- for all me and Kensuke know, you're lulling us into a false sense of security so that you can kidnap us from our homes and make floor rugs out of us..."

Nade snorted. "Damn, you've caught onto my terrible, evil scheme- on this team, _I'm_ the scary one you should keep your eyes on- I'd do anything for a nice rug, and I could snap at any moment!"

Nade's wide eyed, psychotic smile was completely over the top- and under its influence, the three genin soon devolved into snickers. Once they had finally recaught their breath, Kensuke nervously met Nade and Ryuu's unflinching eyes, and carefully smiled, revealing slightly crooked teeth accented by large canines.

"… **My name is Amadai Kensuke. I live with my mom, my step-dad, and my four younger brothers in the back of my mom's book store in the south Business District. I… like green tea too, actually- along with reading- action novels in particular. I love my family though, more than anything else. I don't like getting bad exam marks, my brothers being sick, and myself, when I'm angry. I became a shinobi… Because I can't be a civilian. But my goal is to help support my family, while proving I'm more than my condition."**

"Man, I could not handle four younger brothers! Two- siblings are enough!" Nade exclaimed.

Ryuu smirked. "Sometimes, it's nice to be an only child. I only ever had to baby sit the younger kids at the orphanage as a last resort." Ryuu looked over at the door. He then lifted his eyes to the clock, and scowled at the time. "An hour and forty-five minutes late- with our luck, he won't be showing up anytime soon."

" **Hatake Kakashi is always late. He should be here within the hour, though."**

Nade nodded thoughtfully, and then reached into the supply pouch at her side. She flourished the deck of cards she had grabbed with a grin. "Well, let's give him an hour then- but while we're waiting, you guys up for some poker?"

Two grins met her own.

Xxx

"Aces over jacks- suck it!"

Kensuke groaned in response to Nade's exuberant exclamation, and reached forwards to push his ryo towards her, his pair of three's an eyesore on the table.

"Not so fast…" Ryuu murmured. Carefully, he laid out, one at a time, his royal flush. His expression remained carefully dead pan all the while as Nade and Kensuke gaped at him.

"Holy crap, you have a killer poker face!"

" **What sorcery is this?!"**

Ryuu slightly smiled, a glint catching in his brown eyes.

"That's the _twelfth time-_ you know what, screw this. No more poker- let's play I spy with my little kunai instead!"

Xxx

Kensuke stared at Ryuu's bleeding hand in awe. **"I've never seen someone trip, accidently throw their kunai, lodge it into the ceiling light, cause it to explode, spray the glass into a fishbowl, and then trip again on the spilled water and cut themself on a** _ **dull**_ **desk edge. How?..."**

Ryuu's lips pursed as Nade giggled at his side, not even bothering to hide her smile as she clumsily wrapped a bandage around his hand.

"Weapons… are not my forte."

Nade snorted, and conspiratorially whispered to Kensuke, "Understatement of the century…"

Ryuu reddened at their giggling. He furiously pointed towards Kensuke. "At least _I_ didn't melt the senbon!"

Nade cackled, interrupting Kensuke- who was now red in the face- before he could rant back at Ryuu. "Boys, boys, I think you're missing the real point here… You _both_ suck compared to me!"

"Nade!"

" **Nade!"**

Said girl snickered as she jumped out of the way of the boys lunging on her, and an impromptu chase commenced. It soon devolved into a full on chaos- chairs, weapons, and paint tags went flying. Each genin took their own corner of the room, and crazily smiled in the midst of their all-out warfare. If their academy sensei were there, he would have had a conniption at the destruction being caused to the classroom.

It was to be expected when genin were left to their own devices though- anarchy was the ninja resting state of being.

Xxx

"… **and that's why Obi's now scared of chickens."** Kensuke finished proudly.

Ryuu and Nade _howled_ with laughter. "H- holy crap, I have to do that to Hiro, he's been getting so uppity because he gets to go to a fancy boarding school- that would be an _awesome_ prank!"

"Yeah, what you did kind of reminds me of one of the kids I knew from the orphanage- he was an orange eyesore, but _damn_ if he wasn't devious. Kid once rigged up a Karasu net trap with dental floss, and used it to dowse the headmistress with melted peanut butter. Great revenge, after she didn't give him candy when she gave some to all the other kids. But yours takes the cake, Kensuke. I guess having all those little brothers keeps you on your toes, prepared to unleash hell to get back at them."

Kensuke shrugged. **"I love my family, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna let the brats walk all over me. Sometimes you need to take a stand.** _ **And revenge is the sweetest reward of all."**_ Kensuke's grin was positively sinister, and if Nade hadn't spent the last two hours getting to know and like him, it probably would have scared the pants off of her.

"You said it!"

Luckily, the genin, who were currently sprawled on the floor amidst the wreck of the classroom, had had plenty of time to bond. Possibly _too_ much time…

"…Hey. When did you say that Bakashi guy was supposed to get here?" Ryuu asked.

" **Uhhhhh- huh. An hour ago,"** Kensuke said, squinting at the clock at the front. It was an actually difficult task due to the shuriken imbedded in it. Said shuriken was courtesy of Nade, who had been pushed to the side by Kensuke when she tried to throw it at Ryuu's book- the boys had had a temporary alliance during that point in their fight. Her aim had been cast aside, and had impaled it into the poor clock, which luckily still showed the time.

The time which revealed they had been waiting for their sensei for three hours and forty-five minutes.

The three genin froze- then reacted in the only ways they knew how.

"That shitty jounin! He's going to get a piece of my kunoichi wrath!"

"I'll nail him with an exploding tag to the balls; I could have gone to the hospital instead of waiting for his late ass…"

" _ **Revenge**_ **…"**

Kensuke, in particular, was the most intimidating by far. Killing intent shimmered off his lanky form, and Ryuu and Nade broke from their anger to give him worried looks.

"Uh, Kensuke, co-could you tone it down a bit? W- we could use your help getting to the bottom of this. There's has to be some dirt on this guy in the academy building, r-right, Ryuu?"

Said boy jerkily nodded his head, and carefully took a step back from Kensuke, who had turned his cold, purple eyes on them. "Y-yeah, maybe this guy has had a genin team before- they would keep records of stuff like that in the archives, like the hospital does for past patients. S-so let's all _calm down_ a-and go check it out. Okay?"

Nade nodded. She turned to face Kensuke, and bit her lip, but refused to step back from him as he slowly stopped emanating killing intent. He blinked his eyes, then pursed his lips. His head tilted downwards, and his brown spiked hair seemed to droop with his suddenly hunched shoulders. He looked ashamed, small and lonely as Nade and Ryuu watched him with their guards up.

" **Y-yeah. That sounds like a plan."** Kensuke whispered. He lifted his head, his gaze miserable. **"I-I'm sorry. I know it doesn't make up for that, but- I'm sorry."**

Ryuu was quiet, but after a tense moment, he stepped forwards and lightly slugged Kensuke on the arm. "Don't sweat it. You guys heard me ranting, earlier- I'm not gonna get pissy with you for getting a little angry. I've got people that make me furious, too. I'm not a hypocrite. Just… maybe tone it down a little, next time."

"Exactly!" Nade added. She mischievously smiled. "Besides- imagine if we turned _that_ on that jerk who's supposed to be our sensei- you're our secret weapon! We'll be prepared now, but he won't know what hit him!"

Slowly, Kensuke relaxed, and gave each of them a soft smile. **"Thanks, guys… Well. Let's go check out those archives, then! It's like a quest!"**

Together, the three of them left the mayhem of the classroom, talking about the different skills they could use on their sensei to get back at him for his late arrival.

Eventually, they reached the archives. Before now, they had been unable to access them. However, their new hiate-ate had a low-level access seal in them that allowed entry to general shinobi buildings. What was in the academy wasn't top-secret, and as such, any newly minted genin (like them) could access the archives.

Rows upon rows of ceiling high shelves filled the archives, which was about the size of three classrooms joined together. Despite the slightly cramped atmosphere, it felt rather homey. Good lighting easily illuminated the neat room, along with its tables, couches, and water cooler to the side. At the front, before the shelves, rested the filing ledgers sitting on a table that easily allowed any shinobi to find what they were looking for.

Apparently, just four years ago, this homey setting had not been so- the archive had actually been a _mess_ , and it was rumoured some sort of mould had been slowly taking over the back half of the room. At least until a new teaching assistant had descended upon it with the wrath usually known only to a kunoichi scorned.

There was a reason that anyone who knew him was slightly terrified of Umino Iruka. That man could file like no one's business, was a clean freak, and actually _liked paperwork._ Which, to any and all ninja who usually got their kicks out of blowing things up, was positively _unnatural._

Regardless, Iruka had whipped the academy archive into shape, which was exceedingly helpful to the genin currently parsing through its depths. In no time at all, Kensuke had opened the ledgers and identified the location of the files they needed. Nade good-naturedly groaned at the imminent task, and Ryuu rolled his eyes as they set out to collect the data they needed.

It was slightly distracting, having Nade periodically jump out from behind the shelves to scare Ryuu and Kensuke because she was avoiding the task at hand, but eventually, they had found all the folders that they needed. Ryuu dumped them on one of the few tables open for general use, and whacked Nade over the head to stop her grumbling as she lazily flipped through the file before her.

A calm descended as the three began to read, only broken by the occasional joke or news reveal. Apparently, 'Hatake Kakashi' had graduated when he was _six,_ and had been on the _Yondaime's genin team_! Which didn't make him any less of a late-arriving asshole, but still- very cool.

What they finally found, though, ruined any semblance of a good mood that they had had.

"This guy's failed _seven genin teams!_ I didn't even know jounin could _do_ that!"

Ryuu nodded in agreement as he flipped through another folder. "It looks like there's a jounin test that can fail students who passed the academy test. It makes sense- jounin have a lot of secret techniques. They wouldn't want to pass on their secrets to just anyone that the academy threw at them. Usually, the kids they fail either get cycled back into the academy, drop out of the shinobi program entirely, or…" Ryuu flipped over the page in his hands, and squinted at it. "I think it's also possible go to the genin corps if they get a partial recommendation from the person who failed them.

"But… Look at the students that Kakashi's gotten the last few years," Ryuu continued, turning the sheets to face Nade and Kensuke. "The last four times, they've been the bottom of the pool, the kids that barely passed to become genin! He's the 'rejecter'- the higher ups probably let him be the jounin sensei for these kids because they know that he'll thin the herd. His students never even make it to the genin corps- _and we're next!_ "

Nade and Kensuke gaped at Ryuu, and glanced in panic at one another. Kensuke swallowed, and fidgeted with the folder he had in his own hands.

" **I don't know about you guys, but I wasn't near the bottom- I had mid-level marks. So why… why am I on this team? You'd think higher ups would** _ **make**_ **me be a ninja- you guys saw what I did when I was angry. It's because of my 'condition'. I** _ **can't**_ **be a civilian. So why did I get put on the fail team?!"**

"Not just you!" Nade angrily agreed. "I was middle of the pack, too! Sure, my parents wanted me to quit the ninja business because of what happened a year ago, but I've been working hard to keep my placement because of that! If I failed, they could stop me from reapplying!"

Ryuu stared stonily at the condemning pieces of paper in his hands. "I need to be a shinobi. You need to be one to have access to the seal library, and missions pay good money. For Kami's sake, I'd probably have to work as a roof-tiler to pay for my time in the academy if I failed! I- I need to be a ninja! Otherwise, _those bastards_ will probably stop me from getting back into the academy, and then they'll NEVER get what they deserve!"

Anger simmered between the three. Kensuke was taking deep breaths to prevent a reoccurrence of his previous lapse in control, while Nade ground her teeth and Ryuu glared at the papers in his hands. It was Nade who cracked first.

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm _not_ going to fail- this loser who's been picked as our sensei is going to have to live with us- because Team Seven _will_ pass!"

Ryuu nodded. "You're right! We're going to _make_ this guy pass us! We don't know what his test will be… But if we play by his rules, we'll fail, just like every other team he's had. We need to turn his stupid game on his head."

Nade stared in consideration down at the files she had in her hands. "Okay- so. The files that talk about each of the teams he's failed are kind of helpful- he wrote in some crappy chicken-scratch in the comments that none of the students 'got the bells'- so… His test probably has something to do with retrieving these bells."

"It can't be that simple… There's gotta be a catch. For some reason, these bells are impossible to get. I… don't think we'll be able to get them, either. Hatake's a _jounin_ \- he's not a pushover. So… So… AH! This is hopeless!" Ryuu exclaimed, and dejectedly banged his head on the table.

"… **What if we didn't bother with the bells? Like you said- we can't play by his rules."** Kensuke mused. **"I know a little bit about Hatake- I didn't say it after first, cause it seemed like useless information, but… My mom owns a book store. And Hatake? He is there the** _ **moment**_ **the newest book in his favourite series is released. He** _ **loves**_ **them- mom once joked that he was her best customer, and apparently he's** _ **always**_ **reading them- when he's on missions, giving a report to the Hokage, it doesn't matter. They're probably his most prized possession, and he's always got at least one of the nineteen that are in the series on him at all times. Pretty sure he has the collector's copies, signed and all, for each of them. They are basically irreplaceable. So… maybe, instead of getting the bells, we could get his book instead- and blackmail him into letting us become genin."**

Nade narrowed her eyes. "Okay, on the off chance that we _do_ manage to steal his book, that still won't work. One," Nade said, and lifted a single finger, "he's a jounin. He'll steal it right back the moment we let our guard down. But let's say he doesn't- that leads into two-" the second finger rose. "This guy has failed seven teams before- he clearly does _not_ want genin. Even if he loves it, a single book won't be enough to make him change his entire opus operandi. But fine. Let's say he _does_ pass us. Three." The final finger rose. "We would have to be the genin of an absolute _asshole_. He'll probably hate us, just as much as we hate him. Is that still worth it for you guys?"

Nade was expressionless as she asked this final question. She gave no indication of how she felt on the matter, and instead stared hard at the boys before her.

"…Yes. I need to be a shinobi. I _have_ to change things."

"… **Being a shinobi is the only path for me. And… I want to be one. This is my chance to prove myself. I'm not going to give that up because of one crummy jounin."**

Nade's gaze remained firm- but neither boy caved beneath it. She finally smiled. "I need to be a shinobi, too. It's the only way I'll ever be free. So. We _will_ make this work." Her smile dimmed. "Any ideas? Kensuke's plan was a good start, but we'll need more to beat a jounin."

Ryuu traced the grain of the wood on the table with a thoughtless hand. "I think I can make the plan a little better… I can rig a seal trap. It'll be difficult- one of you'll have to get me that book, and someone will need to lure Kakashi to a seal I'll make on the ground. I won't be able to fight him while I'm doing this… But if we play our cards right, we'll be able to use his entire _series_ of books as collateral."

"Excellent…" Nade whispered with a wicked grin, and drummed her fingers together. "That is starting to sound better. Let's plan this out!"

Over the course of the next hour, that's just what they did. They returned to the classroom, and, ignoring the clutter around them, outlined their plan, creating fail safes and backup plans. Nade, especially, was the leader in this. She intuitively knew what methods would be beyond their means, and had such a realistic outlook that the plan they finally decided on was as good as it would ever be. Team Seven would _not_ let Hatake Kakashi get the best of them.

Kensuke looked up to the clock, tilting his head to see the time around the shuriken that was _still_ embedded in it. **"It's been almost seven hours- he's** _ **gotta**_ **get here soon…"**

Nade leaned back in her chair with a smug smile. "Let him come. We're ready."

For a moment, all was quiet between the genin, other than the constant scratch of Ryuu's pen on paper as he made the seals they would need. Ryuu wrinkled his nose as a sudden thought struck him.

"Hey, Kensuke…"

" **Yeah?"**

"What is the book series that Hatake's so obsessed with?" Ryuu asked, pausing in his work.

"… **Icha Icha."**

Nade and Ryuu froze.

"Our future sensei… is a porn addict?" Ryuu whispered.

The three of them remained in a tense showdown, none of them moving or speaking beyond Ryuu's first interjection. Slowly, Nade's face shifted, inch by inch, from horrified to laughingly incredulous.

"Kami, what a loser!"

Together they fell apart into hooting laughter- even Kensuke, who had already known the awful truth. They didn't know it yet, but the irony of them calling Kakashi a loser for being obsessed with porn would be the karmic justice of the universe. But in that moment, they were just Team Seven, laughing together. And that was enough.

Just ten minutes after they had finally collected themselves, their sensei in question _finally_ arrived. The only thought that crossed the genin's minds as they looked upon the masked man, who had _egg yolks_ encrusted in the right side of his ridiculously spiky hair, was:

"This sketchy looking asshole is going _down!_ "

It was the beginning of the end, and the end of the beginning. The three demons looked upon Kakashi with absolute hate, and Kakashi in turn gave them the cold shoulder. Just like the matter involving the porn, they didn't know what was to come. They didn't know what the entire team would come to mean to each of them- Nade, Ryuu, Kensuke, Kakashi and all.

Team Seven would never be the same.


End file.
